Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
