A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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