Jerry, you need to find god
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
