normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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