Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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