can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
