he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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