literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
