i love accidental penises.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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