new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
