Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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