4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize