she looked like the before picture.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
