So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
