then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This house was built for laser tag.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
