:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
