U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
