u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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