I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
