MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
