I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
