I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
