He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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