Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
