The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
