After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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