Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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