I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
