Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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