we're blogging at a bar
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I intend to get homeless drunk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
