does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
