Four minutes until I can fart!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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