Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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