those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
