if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
