if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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