I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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