I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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