Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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