this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
