We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
