Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
