She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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