Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
