are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
