i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
