Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
