apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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