someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just tell him i said nine months
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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