Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
barbara walters just said penis...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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