Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I supernannyed him into submission
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize