i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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