Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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