the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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