goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
