his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
