I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no, he came in my armpit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
