so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
