I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
