I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
