No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
