my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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