It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
