He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
