i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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