i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
