I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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