Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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